Judy Durand

Writing for Understanding ~ Leadership Project

July 2011

Identified Learning Intention/Purpose: After reviewing student writing based on a writing prompt, it is clear that many students are able to identify details of a main idea or focusing statement, but do not elaborate or include intriguing, specific descriptions or ideas. Therefore, the purpose of these lessons is to help students build capacity for elaboration of details in their writing.

Number of Students: There are 15 third grade students in this group.

Amount of time working with students: Approximately 40 minutes per day for 3 weeks

Assessment periods: Formative - Following each lesson and guided/independent practice. Summative - following three week intervention period. The assessment will be to see evidence of elaboration in independent writing.

LESSONS

Lesson 1 - Oral Elaboration

Objective

Students will extend their thinking by orally elaborating on one simple idea/object.

Model / Mini Lesson

1. With students seated in a circle, give a brief description of elaboration (telling many parts or details).

2. Show an interesting artifact (ie a feather, a book, an animal skull, etc.)

3. Have students each tell one detail about the artifact and record their ideas on chart paper.

4. Review all of their ideas, noting how many ways we can elaborate.

5. Model how to write two or three sentences that elaborate on the artifact, using the ideas generated by the students.

Guided Practice

Divide students into groups of 2 or three, giving each group a different object. Have each group brainstorm details about the object and then write 2 or 3 elaborative sentences about the object. Have each group share their sentences with the whole group.

Assessment

Can students construct 2-3 elaborative sentences about an object?

Can students revise their own writing by including elaborative sentences?

(Source: Joey Hawkins)

Lesson 2 - Sketch It

Objective

Students will extend their thinking through sketching

Model / Mini Lesson

1. On a projector/elmo, show a basic drawing that you have sketched (ie a barn).

2. Write a basic sentence to match the drawing. (The barn is big.)

3. Ask students to generate more details that you might add to your picture to make it more interesting (ie. a broken window, animals, a sheep fold, surrounding fields, etc.)

It might be helpful to label each added detail.

4. Ask students to generate descriptive sentences, based on the details that were added to the original sketch. Compare these sentences to the original basic sentence.

Guided Practice

1. In partnerships, have one partner begin by drawing a basic sketch (give suggestions such as an animal, a house, a tree, etc.).

2. The other partner adds at least 4 details to their basic sketch, labeling as they go.

3. Together, the partners write 3 or 4 elaborated sentences.

4. Share sketches and sentences with the entire group.

Assessment

Can the student write 2 -3 sentences describing a simple picture?

Can the student revise part of their own writing, elaborating on a simple statement/image?

(This idea came to me as a springboard from Joey’s oral elaboration lesson)

Lesson 3 - Author Study

Objective

Students will identify examples of elaborative writing in written text.

Model / Mini Lesson

1. Choose a text that has rich examples of elaborative writing (Suggestion: Farmer Boy by Laura Ingalls Wilder). Prepare an over head that shows examples of the following:

What Laura I-W could have said:_The children went sledding on Hardscrabble Hill.

What Laura I-W really said: All that had sleds scrambled up Hardscrabble Hill; they flung themselves, stomach-down, on the sleds and swooped down the long, steep slope. (p. 10)

Prepare several other examples from the text to share with students. Discuss which sounds better and why. Discuss the types of elaborative points the author included.

Guided Practice 1

With a partner, have students explore text(s) for other examples of elaboration. Have them record examples on a similar chart (What the author could have said / What the author said instead) and share with the class.

Guided Practice 2

Using the same format as above, have students choose a simple sentence from a list (or perhaps their own writing) and rewrite it using elaboration. Share work with the whole class.

Assessment

Can students transform a simple sentence into more elaborative sentence(s)?

Can students revise their writing to include more elaborative sentences?

(Source: a classroom practice)

Lesson 4 - Action Chains

Objective

Students will learn to elaborate on an event by expanding their sentences into action chains. This provides the reader with a more detailed picture of the event.

Model / Mini Lesson

1. Explain to the students that an action chain is a series of three closely related, sequential events included in one sentence.

2. Write the following sentence on the board: I fell down the stairs. Model putting an action chain in the sentence. Ask yourself, “Let’s see, what was the first thing that happened when I fell down the stairs? I believe it was that I caught my toe in the carpet.” (Write, ‘Caught my toe’ on the board). The next thing that happened was that I fell forward. (Write, ‘Fell forward’ on the board.) Then I tumbled down the stairs. If I put all three actions into one sentence, I’ll have an action chain. It will sound like this: “I caught my toe in the carpet, fell forward, and tumbled down the stairs.” Write the sentence on the board as you say it.

Guided Practice

1. Divide the class into small groups of two or three students. Assign each group one of the sentences (see below). The group’s task is to write an action chain for the sentence. If the students need further modeling, act out the first sentence. Then put the actions into the sentence. “Mr. Roper threw back his head, closed his eyes, and bellowed a deafening sneeze.”

Give the students about five minutes to compose their action chains. Allow students to share their sentences. If two or more groups have the same sentence, allow students to compare the effectiveness of the different action chains in depicting specific actions.

Sample Sentences: Mr. Roper sneezed. The baby bird flew for the first time. The airplane took off. I ran up the stairs. The football player caught the ball.

Assessment

Can students expand a single event into an action chain of 3 or more related actions?

Can students revise their own writing by adding action chains?

(adapted from the Learn NC program from the University of North Carolina http://www.learnnc.org/)

Lesson 5 - Stretch it Out

Objective

Students will learn to stretch out a scene by adding things that they see, hear, think, and say to others.

Model / Mini Lesson

1. Tell students that narratives that are just lists of events are boring to read. Say “Today you will be learning how to stretch out a scene in a story to make it more interesting.” Put transparency of sample list-like story on overhead and read aloud to students. (Trip to Disney World, Draft 1).

2. Ask students to recall all the events they remember. List events on an overhead or chart for class to view.

3. Tell students that even unimportant events, such as eating a hamburger, can be stretched out to make them more interesting. However, it is important to stretch out the important events in a story to make them interesting to the reader.

4. Have students decide which event was the most important or which was the main event. (probably the roller coaster ride) Begin to cross off or combine less important or irrelevant events.

5. Zero in on the most important event and have students stretch it out by brainstorming what they would see, hear, think, and say to others to show their feelings on a “Stretch It Out” chart or transparency.

6. Write a “stretched out scene” together, based on their ideas from the chart.

Guided Practice

1. Hand out copies of “Stretch It Out” chart. Have students select another event from the list of events and brainstorm sensory details and feelings to add to the scene. Ask students to write the revised, stretched out scene (working with a partner might be an option).

2. Encourage students to find a main event in one of their drafts to elaborate, using the “Stretch It Out” chart. Students can also use the chart to plan their writing before they begin a new draft.

Assessment

Can students list relevant sensory details and feelings on the “Stretch It Out” handout?

Can students write a revised version of the stretched-out scene?

Can students stretch out a scene in a draft of their own writing?

List-like Sample Story

Trip to Disney World (Draft 1)

One day last summer my mom told me we were going to Disney World. First we packed our suitcases and ran to the car. Then we started the long drive to Florida. My brother and I played games on our Game Boys and listened to books on tape. We stopped at MacDonald’s for lunch and I got a hamburger and french fries. We finally got to Orlando and checked into the hotel. Mom told us to change our clothes and we could go swimming in the pool before supper. After supper we watched TV and then went to bed. The next day we got up early and ate breakfast in the lobby of the hotel. Then we caught a bus to Disney World. We went into the Magic Kingdom and rode on a big roller coaster. Then we went to eat lunch. We went to Epcot and bought things from lots of different countries. We ate supper in the castle. Before we went home we saw fireworks. The next day we packed up the car and went home. It was a great vacation.

Sample Stretch It Out Chart

Fill in the chart below imagining what you might see, hear, think, say to others.

See Hear Think Say to Others

(adapted from the Learn NC program from the University of North Carolina http://www.learnnc.org/)

Future Lessons on Elaboration

The above lessons are intended to help students understand the general concept of elaboration. This concept can be further taught through more specific lessons on various writers’ crafts, including similes, metaphors, examples, anecdotes, quotations, dialogue, etc.)

Scaffolding: Scaffolding could be provided in the following ways:

~ Pair stronger students with weaker students for partnerships

~ Use the following instructional model: model, guided practice, independent practice

~ Prompt struggling students with sensory-related questions

~ Provide a list of words that might prompt struggling students to elaborate

~ Have students identify examples of elaboration in their writing with highlighters

~ Have students read successfully completed pieces aloud to two or three listeners

(This is an important step for all students, not just struggling students).

Assessment

1. Administer an on-demand writing prompt that lends itself to descriptive writing (ie. a memorable day). Review the assessment rubric below. Remind students that good writers elaborate details and for them to think about action chains and stretch it out strategies.

Elaboration Rubric

Sentences that have added elaboration to expand up information presented

1 - none or few 2 - some 3 - most or all